Sunday, September 11, 2011
Getting Started
It's been hard getting started with any of my schoolwork because of all the bullshit going on in my life. The week before last I was told, while in school, that one of my close friends was found dead. That's it. Found fuckin' dead in his truck after having just bought his 2 year old son a bounce house from the toy store. I had spoken to him the day before, and still have text messages in my phone from that day between us. Now, he had his problems, and my friends and I ALL have our vices, but this is the 2nd time in only few years I've lost someone very close to me prematurely. Young men in their late twenties, living in the twenty-first century, typically only die for two reasons this early in their lives: car accidents and _______ (use your imagination). My friends and I keep eyeing each other...who's next??? We're like eighty-year old war veterans the way we keep ending up at each other's wakes and funerals, saying goodbye. Last fuckin' man standing, I guess, wins...?
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Growing up no one close to me died, like, at all. I never went to a funeral till about 3 years ago. It seems now that I have reached my 20's life is full deaths. Is it because I know that many more people then years past? or is it all catching up from year prior? I dont even want to know.
ReplyDeleteI've faced my share of deaths - of those close in age to me and decades away - but they're never easy. And as morbid as it may sound, I understand the "who's next" game. I sincerely hope that it's a long time before you (or anyone else) finds the answer to that question.
ReplyDeleteI've been to my share of funerals...many more that I should have gone to but didn't. I've faced death myself, fought with the Reaper more than once...he almost won three times that I know of...sometimes I think maybe next time he will. Yet through the confusion, the questions, and the cliches, one thing is certain, sometimes he wins and we never know who he is battling with. Sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteJohnny boy :-( I've never been to a funeral. I lost my best friend 8 years ago, and I'm still reeling. It's something that never leaves you, may get easier, but never completely goes away. I feel for you, I really do. I hope you win the "who's next" game, and I mean win in the way of beating it completely... not having to even think about it until you are 80. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss honey.
ReplyDeleteI think that I've been very fortunate in my life so far, as I've never had anyone very close to me die. My grandfather died but I was only only an infant at the time, so I've never experienced the loss of a constant, can't-imagine-them-not-being-there person in my life. I'd say the closest I've come to that is a dream I had last week of my father dying and I woke up crying. I was so relieved but I also just felt afraid for a while, until I convinced myself that my dad was ok. So I'm sorry for you're loss, and all I can say is that I have no idea how awful that must be. I don't look forward to finding out.
ReplyDeleteI've lost two people in my life, both grandparents, separate sides of the family. I'm still not over it, so I don't blame you for being upset.
ReplyDeleteI can understand where you're coming from. I grew up with some guys who have passed on or are in custody at the moment. You do start to watch your friends and wonder who's next. You also start to re-evaluate how you've lived your life and how you want to continue.
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